These days it’s all about dollar and value menus when it comes to fast food chains – whatever you can get for a buck. Even Wendy’s, who seems hell bent on changing the drive-through game, has a fully loaded menu of cheap-O eats. But while McDonald’s is busy selling you its real(ly fake) fruit smoothies and Burger King turning to shoot itself in the foot by making scarce its supremely unique rodeo cheeseburger, Wendy’s is charging headlong in an entirely different direction.

“Quality Is Our Recipe.” That’s the current Wendy’s motto and it’s at least befitting of their goals – to serve better quality fast food. Wendy’s is certainly reaching outside its typical cheeseburger-and-fries palette. To cut corners and get straight to the point though, Wendy’s definition of quality is relative to their competition, which doesn’t exactly consist of five star restaurants. So what you’re getting is a slightly worse version of your favorite home cooked meal, assuming you thoroughly enjoy macaroni and cheese, sweet potatoes, and loaded french fries.

Vermont cheddar sure is tasty, so I’m at a complete loss to explain what the hell Wendy’s macaroni is swimming in. Is it cheddar bisque? Nope; too delicious. Maybe a plain jane cheese stew? Even that’d be halfway scrumdiddlyumptious. So what in Fat Tuesday’s name is preventing Wendy’s from calling this dish macaroni and crap ass sauce? Not much! The bowl’s contents were runnier than my sick aunt on her treadmill. And there’s no way Wendy’s is getting off calling that real Vermont cheddar. Absolutely no way, Wendy m’lady. You could tell me a cow from Vermont sneezed into a bowl of noodles and I’d be more inclined to agree.

Bold faced lies aside, let’s move on to a dish that can’t possibly disappoint considering the inherently low expectations surrounding it. I’m not a fan of sweet potatoes to begin with but even I halfway enjoyed what Wendy had to offer. The bland nature of the potato that ought to be considerably sweeter makes for an incredibly boring eating experience. Each consecutive bite was increasingly lacking in flavor and closer to being reminiscent of baby food. I understand that’s sort of the point when it comes to sweet potatoes, so it’s nice that Wendy’s adds something a extra to the mix – cinnamon butter. The butter steals the attention of your taste buds, although it does so in an oily manner that merely coats the orange nothing in an authentic cinnamon and sugar sheen. Inevitably it becomes tasteless all the while retaining its consistency of slightly hardened mush. Why does anyone eat this shit?

Finally there’s a trifecta of goodness – Wendy’s new loaded french fries. In case anyone needs reminding, Wendy’s french fries are now cut fresh and salted by the seven seas (or at least one or two of them). I’d give their fries a solid five alone, and their chili has always been a venerable diamond in the rough. Combine the two and top the whole mess off with actual cheese (the baked potato topping cheddar cheese and shredded cheddar, none of this fake-me-out Vermont cheddar bullshit) and you’ve got a worthwhile menu item. There’s nothing new or groundbreaking about the contents but damn it if they aren’t a treat to eat. Just don’t expect your greased up insides to thank you for indulging yourself.

I respect what Wendy’s is trying to do, which from my perspective looks like an attempt to steer away from serving strictly conventional “quick burger” sides. The problem is they’re not very good. Their saving grace is three currently existing items piled atop one another. I want to like what’s new, but I’m going to need more than false promises of mac ‘n’ cheese and smush potatoes for that to happen. Until then, the most enjoyable part of this Signature Sides endeavor was without a doubt the hot, crunchy lettuce extracted from Brad’s monterey chicken sandwich.

Vermont Cheddar Mac ‘n Cheese – 2/7
Sweet Potato with Cinnamon Butter – 3/7
Loaded Chili Cheese Fries – 5/7