Up until a few minutes ago, I had no idea that Dunkin’ Donuts was mainly based on the east coast. There are only 75 franchises past the Mississippi River, apparently. So basically, half of America does not actually “run on Dunkin’.” For me, the donut chain battle has always been between Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme. For a long time during the aughts it seemed like Krispy Kreme was winning; their tendency to tack themselves onto gas stations really furthered their reach. Dunkin’ Donuts’ marketing department really held back until 2006 when they changed their slogan to “America Runs on Dunkin’.” Then in 2007 they really kicked it into gear with commercials that mocked Starbucks, and John Goodman voice-overs and Rachael Ray guest spots for others. Since then, my local Krispy Kreme has shut down. Coincidence?

Dunkin’ Donuts recently rolled out their Chocolate Lovers line of donuts based on a revamped chocolate recipe, now including cocoa yeast. The three contenders are the Cocoa Confetti donut, a chocolate ring topped with chocolate frosting and sprinkles; the Cocoa Kreme Puff, a chocolate yeast donut with a vanilla butter cream filling; and big hoss, the Reverse Boston Kreme donut, a chocolate shell with chocolate Bavarian cream and vanilla frosting.

My first reaction was, “Kreme? Seriously?” Why would they spell cream the same way their biggest competitor spells it in their brand name? Even googling the word “kreme” just brings up a whole list of Krispy Kreme pages, and one weird website at the very top called KremeLife that seems to be dedicated to aestheticizing the color cream in the various facets of everyday life, as well as being hell bent on ruining your eyes.

All this talk of cocoa left me hoping that we could leave behind the traditional off-brand-Oreo-cookie flavor of chocolate donut material, as well as the off-brand-pudding taste of typical chocolate donut filling. When I got the donuts, I started with the big guy, just for the challenge. Going forward, I hope I never have to write the words “guy”, “Boston”, and “cream (in any spelling)” in the same paragraph again. But for now, the Reverse Boston Kreme donut. I figured this one would probably be my favorite because usually I love any kind of filled pastry, but it’s probably my least favorite of the three new donuts. The cocoa yeast used in these donuts makes for a light and fluffy donut base that gently tears apart when bitten. However, the flavor is just as light as the donut. If you’re expecting a strong chocolate taste, don’t. The “chocolate Bavarian cream” is not that at all, but rather chocolate custard; it’s slightly rich and thick, but also strangely tangy and mildly unsatisfactory. I had the Cocoa Kreme Puff next, which was also primarily cocoa yeast. The butter vanilla cream filling was rich and had a whipped texture, but it was no more than a quarter-sized dollop in the middle, a far cry from the ad, which shows the filling spilling the banks of the donut (True Grit, anyone?). Good donut, badly executed by my local Dunkin’, although I’d like to point out that laziness is not regional. The last one I tried was the Cocoa Confetti donut, which surprisingly I thought was the best one. It’s extremely simple and thus hard to mess up. The bold flavor that the light cocoa yeast ring is lacking is bolstered by a solid chocolate frosting, and sprinkles. Who doesn’t like sprinkles?

So I wouldn’t say that this new recipe has revolutionized chocolate donutry forever. It’s certainly a step forward, and this is the kind of thing that donut places. You can make as many new flavors as you want, but nothing will increase your base like making your fundamental ingredients taste better. Plus, at 89 cents you really don’t have too much to lose in trying one.

Cocoa Confetti

Cocoa Kreme Puff