Ah, zombies. Truly, the world’s greatest punching bags, entertainers, and all-around bad mamma jammas. They’ve been in everything: TV series, movies, video games, flash mobs, action figures, those little ball-capsule things you get at the store because you think it’s a kickass laser but are then severely disappointed. Yep, zombies have done it all, and then some, but there was one place zombies had left untouched. One place where their brain-nomming tendencies went completely ignored… until now.
Enter Zombie Blood Energy Potion, from the makers of Blood Energy Potion, which, as its name suggests, is an energy drink with the delightful theme of the undead. It comes in a transfusion pack-like pouch, is a bright, insipid green, and the packaging is aesthetically pleasing and hilarious, with promises like “100% Mutagen Free” printed under its list of benefits. The bag has a hole in the top for hanging, like a real transfusion pack, and it’s also suggested that one could hook an IV up to it if one desired (just the tube, not the needle. Please don’t attempt to pump an energy drink directly into your veins. It is highly dangerous and you’ll look dumb, too). Also on the bag is the flavor, a refreshing lime (why zombie blood tastes like lime, I don’t know), and recommendations on the back telling you that it’s best served chilled. It also teaches those who have never had a patch drink how to avoid getting zombie juices all over their cat. Among the benefits of the drink are that it has some of the same vitamins and proteins found in actual blood, and has a good 80ml caffeine kick (About 4 hours of energy). But how does it taste? Well…
I drank my pack of Zombie Blood ice-cold, as it recommended, and then promptly made a face. No, not a grimace of terror as I realized I’d just sealed my fate and infected myself; this was a face of disappointment. The lime flavor is there, and then gone instantly, replaced with the copper-y, metallic taste you’d expect of real blood. It’s definitely not something pleasant in small doses, and taking a long drag of the drink did not make it taste any better. I ended up not being able to finish the drink and passed it off to one of my friends, who also disliked it and eventually threw it away.
It was a great idea in premise, but the poor flavor just makes it flop pretty hard by my standards. At its price tag, (about $3.99 a pack if you order it online,) it’s reasonable, but for something not-so-tasty, I’d recommend you just head to a gas station and pick up a Monster. You’ll get more than a measly 100mL in the can, it’ll taste 600% better, give you tons more energy, and you won’t begin to develop a craving for deep-fried brains two weeks later.
Still though, jokes aside, this stuff tastes pretty bad.
Did I try the green stuff or the red stuff at A-Kon? I forget which one, but it had a rather…interesting taste to it.
You tried this along with us.
Ah. In that case I can say it wasn't exactly -bad-, but not only does it have a very… odd taste about it (I wouldn't call it bad, but I wouldn't call it good, either), but it also suffers from "big price, little substance" syndrome.