Chicken is about as good an any time food as any, I suppose. Tyson, the king of chicken, has a new line of “Any’Tizers”, a clever little portmanteau of anytime and appetizer, brilliant! They’re basically little spheres of chicken with items arbitrarily stuffed inside them. You may be wondering “How can you have a sphere of chicken?” Well, little Billy, I was wondering the same thing, until I bit into one of them.

It seems what they did, and the validity of this hypothesis is questionable, is ground up a bunch of chicken and pasted it all into a hollow sphere, at which point they injected the filling into it. I’m not sure it’s real chicken, though it says “100% natural”. It feels to me like a McChicken, so it doesn’t have much going for it in that aspect.

Now, the flavor I tried was Chicken Pepperoni. I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten one of those mini frozen pepperoni pizzas, where the pepperoni creates a tremendous amount of grease and is kinda dry, but that’s the type of pepperoni in these things. Add to that the fact that whoever designed them ostensibly thought that they could imbue it with an “Italian” flavor by tossing in a forest of oregano, and the chances I’ll buy these again drop significantly. The cheese is strangely tasteless and is more of a slippery texture than an additional flavor.

I read a little review online about these and the author said this: “If you are looking for an appetizer for dinner, or need to feed hungry after school kids, Tyson Any’Tizers are the perfect fix and will fill you and control your hunger for hours.” Let’s analyze that for a second. If you are looking for an appetizer… Tyson Any’Tizers are the perfect fix and will fill you and control your hunger for hours. Alright I just wanted to point out how little sense that makes, but seriously, they aren’t filling as much as they create a brick of suspect meat in your stomach that sits around like that kid’s mom who lives in a truck bed in their garage down the street. The other flavor is Cordon Bleu, but after experimenting with these I don’t think I’ll be back for more.